March 15, 2007

Forgiving, Not Forgetting

I keep up with some blogs of some people from my father's former church. I like to see what's going on with them and are happy to see good things going on in their lives. One blog in particular is quite "to the point" on many things going on in that church. I like that. Not because I feel I need to know what's going on, but I like how the woman doesn't beat around the bush or try to blow sunshine in anyone's face. She tells it like it is. I respect that.

Over the last three years, there's been some mention of the Christian school that my father started. Yes, my father started it. Well, along with some wonderful praying and financial helping people! Of course you won't read that anywhere on their website or handbook, but it's the truth. My father pretty much had to go against most of the board to start that school and it's probably is one of the reasons why my father is no longer at that church. I could get into the fact that my father started that school with blood, sweat and tears, and many many prayers... but he wouldn't want it to sound like a sob story and neither do I. What I do know is that my children are no longer a part of that school. Not because I really wanted to homeschool them, but because I knew it just wouldn't work out and the administration would probably take their dislike for my father out on my kids. (Or at least my kids probably wouldn't be treated fairly.) And there's no way I'm giving money to a school that would do that or subject my kids to that. And I'm not sure that I would handle it well.

Anyway, last year there was a big article in the newspaper that this school was closing because of lack of funding. I could get into how when my father first started the school he managed to keep it in the black and there were less kids there then, than there are now.. but I won't. Well, when I saw that article I have to admit a part of me felt a little joy. I'm human ok. Then I prayed about it and I know there are kids there who NEED a school like that. Kids who could never make it in public schools and whose parents can't homeschool. (Although they do have quite a lot of stay at home moms!) Those kids make it easy for me to feel good about that school continuing to stay open. Someone made a huge contribution to that school that would guarantee its continuation for at least the next 3 years. Well, it's been 1 year. They haven't grown (and even added on a preschool) and they're losing teachers from what I gather.

Well, this is all I have to say about this... when you keep the same people around who have been the troublemakers all long, do you really think anything is going to progress? I feel sorry for everyone involved. I feel sorry for the church. Nothing is changing. My father wasn't the "problem". He's been gone for almost 4 years now and the same things are happening. When are people going to wake up?

I have to wonder why all the good people stay at that church? Why would they want to continue to put up with that stuff? When does the time come where you finally say, "HEY, I'm sick of this! I'm going to a church where the Lord is in charge, not the staff." I guess I feel this way because I left that church and went to another church for a couple of years where things were a lot different. This was not my father's church, but another church in this area. I know firsthand there is a difference out there and these people don't have to stay stuck with all this immature drama all the time.

The sad thing is, my father shouldn't have been the one to walk away. I think about how our lives would be now if the people who needed to leave would have left and we would have stayed. I think about how much the church could have grown and how my kids would have a school to go to and how much that school would have grown. I think about how things could have been and I ask myself "Why?". Then I remember it's all in God's hands and He may have saved us from something worse. And we're pretty lucky for what we have now.

So, although I can't say I pray for that school every day, I do when I hear that it's having a hard time. And I have to pray for everyone involved whether I want to or not. And then I have to remember that we are pretty happy and have what we need, and there's some great people at my father's new church. People who don't start drama and are happy that someone would want to pastor such a little church that's been through so much. They've gone through their drama and hard times, they're past it. They truly want whatever the Lord gives them and it's enough. I just wish we could put them and all the great people from our last church together. WOW, what an awesome time that would be! Everyone in agreement that it's what the Lord wants that matters, not what we want. Even if we don't like it. All the love and praising and kindness. Walking into a church with so much love instead of constant discord. It would be great!

Someday. We'll all have that big wonderful church.